faithuntamed

Tag: god

  • Even a Donkey

     Years ago, I preached regularly at a local prison. My mentor told me to simply “unload the gospel.” It was the best advice ever.

    I often question my ability to do this. To unload the gospel.

     Telling God’s love story for each of us?  That is both the scariest and the truest thing I can write. It is the thing I must do.  It  intimidates me the most.

    After all, I am just an ordinary mid-to late-lifer. I work part time in a nature school and teach English as a Second language online.  I am a volunteer in the Texas Prison systems.

    My human frailties are endless. Particularly my addiction to codependency and the trifecta of perfectionism, control and people-pleasing that can come with it.  

    I am an empty-nester.

     I am a Gigi.

     I am happily married to Hot Stuff,man who has exemplified Christ’s unconditional love in human form. We share our home with a dog, a cat and a good friend.

    In other words, I’m just a girl who loves Jesus and her family.

    Who am I to share God’s love story?

     God’s call to come JUST AS WE ARE is central throughout the Gospels. (Mathew 11:28, John 6:37, Luke 5:32, John 7:37, Mark 2:17) Apparently? Just me..is enough.

    Come, He says, Follow Me. We have work to do. (Mathew 4:19, John 10:27)

      And, what an adventure following Him has been! Who would have thought I would develop this whole church family behind prison walls?

    While I love my time in the prison, there were (and are) a handful of men that could not stand the idea of me preaching. Hanging out with the choir, the drama team, praying with the prayer team, that was all fine.

    But, in their hearts these men believe a woman should not be preaching.

     I just showed up, listened, prayed, loved and unloaded the Gospel anyway.

    One Sunday, I was talking to one of my brothers -in-Christ at the prison before a choir practice.

    My friend whom we will call O” looks at me and says, “You know when people complain about you preaching, I tell them ‘Hey, if God could use Baalam’s donkey (Numbers 22:21-39), He can use Nicole, too.’

    “O“meant this as encouragement.

    “Are you comparing me to a donkey?”, I laughed.

    My brother-in-Christ turned red. “No, it’s just that..”

    “No worries”, I assure him.  “I appreciate the Word, and you are right. If God can use a donkey, then surely, he can use me.”

    Now on days when I am overwhelmed with insecurities, I remember the donkey.

     I show up in front of my computer and say “Okay Jesus, here I am. I may be a bit of a mess, but I’m Your mess.  Please, give me the daily bread of life, love and laughter. Help me share this bread with my neighbor. Help me delight in the gifts that you have given me today, and help me trust, that even I can tell your story.

    Here is the story.

    Christ loves you.

    Christ died and rose again for you.

    Love God.

    Love your neighbor.

    The End.

  • Staying in My Lane

    I am an action-oriented person. I want to fix situations whether they are mine to fix or not. It is not my best quality.

     Sitting still and waiting have NEVER been my strong point.

    When Hot Stuff loses his job, my first reaction is to increase my work hours. To return to teaching ESL. I do both of these things. Then I want to do more? Maybe I return to teaching full time? Maybe I pick up a side gig on the weekends. Maybe, Maybe….

    I pray. I want to spring into action. Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him, is the scripture that keeps coming to my heart and mind. UGH. I hate waiting patiently.

    I wonder. What does it mean to sit still?

    According to Dr. Google, it simply means to surrender and relax.

    I ask God, How do I do this? Help. Please.

    I am reminded to STAY. IN. MY. LANE.

    I take a few days to see what that means. What am I already doing? What doors are opening before me.

    I am reminded of Psalm 46: 10,Be still, and know that I am God

    I focus on what I already am doing. I hang out with Hot Stuff. I visit with a childhood friend. I have tea parties and chase toads with my preschoolers.

    I am reminded I still have a creative self-imposed deadline to work on. “Really?” I ask God. “Play with writing Detective Drew books while Hot Stuff is unemployed?”

    Detective Drew is a series of made-up stories I wrote based on four boys that spent time with us during COVID. It’s hobby writing that I’ve been trying to illustrate. I am NOT an illustrator.

    In her book Madeleine L’Engle Herself:Reflections on a Writing Life, L’Engle writes:


    AN INCARNATIONAL EVENT
    Obedience is an unpopular word nowadays,
    but the artist must be obedient to the work, whether it
    be a symphony, a painting, or a story for a small child. I believe
    that each work of art, whether it is a work of great genius, oor something very small,
    comes to the artist and says, “Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me.” And the artist
    either says, “My soul doth magnify the Lord,” and willingly
    becomes the bearer of the work, or refuses; but the obedient
    response is not necessarily a conscious one, and not everyone
    has the humble, courageous obedience of Mary.

    I pray for humility and courageous obedience. It’s a one-day-at-a-time thing.

    Today? I stay in my lane.

     I rotate laundry. I plan for the work week ahead. I cook ribs for my family. I blog to cyberspace and I  play with sketches for Detective Drew.  I hand the rest to God and enjoy my lane.

  • The Places God Meets Us

    Psalm 139:7–10 (NIV): 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

    Where can I flee from your presence?

    8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

             if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

          9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

             if I settle on the far side of the sea,

          10 even there your hand will guide me,

             your right hand will hold me fast.

     I drove home from work on Monday to see Hot Stuff waiting in the driveway.

    Hot Stuff has a huge grin on his face and says “Hey sweetie. I got fired today.”

    What’s weird is, I already knew.

    I was driving home from work and thought, “I bet Hot Stuff lost his job today.” Part of me hopes he did lose his job.

    Of course I was a little stressed. Who wouldn’t be. Mostly? Im flooded with relief. Hot Stuff has not been happy at work for a long time.

    My husband is an undeservedly, loyal man. He has been working in a very hostile work environment for the last 6 months. While I wish Hot Stuff had been able to quit first, I’m just glad he’s out. To say Hot Stuff has been exploited would be an understatement.

    Do we have bills to pay? Yes. Are we going to lose our insurance? Yes.

    Still. My husband looks happier than I have seen him in a long time.

    We will be okay. We both have an inner peace.

    Hot Stuff is making Uber deliveries while he searches for a new job.

    I do my part and return to teaching English As A Second Language in the early mornings.

    When I open my schedule for availability. I am greeted by a series of messages from former students. These messages range from wanting to know if we were affected by last month’s Texas floods, to when am I available to tutor again.

    I smile.

     God always manages to meet us in unexpected places.

    Sometimes God meets us in the natural world.

    I think back to the first time I was aware of God’s presence. I was three.

    I was lying on a wooden floor in our Tokyo  townhoome, when the sun came through a window and covered me. It was the first time I was aware of a presence bigger than me.

    I don’t know why the sun exemplifies God in my heart. To this day, when I see sun pour through a window, I think, “Ah, there he is”. My heart feels hugged.


    Sometimes God meets us through others.

    As a prison volunteer, I often saw God in the midst of prison life. If we are all created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), then every person I encounter represents God. In prison I found, dedicated search of scriptural understanding, fellowship, deep soul searching and joy. Joy in all circumstances.

    In my ESL students, I found encouragement and support at a time when I was embracing both panic and relief. Even if my student’s didn’t know, I believe God did.

    During the season of my divorce (prior marriage) I asked God to “send me His finest” for a season. I found His support through co-workers, a coke-addicted landlord, my church family, long-lost childhood and college friends, and friends I met in prison.

    I believe God meets us through scripture, through others, through the world around us, in dreams, and even coffee houses.

    There was a season in my early forties when I was really struggling with some bottled up dysfunction. I am a survivor of childhood emotional, psychological and occasional physical abuse. An adult survivor of emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse. I had hit a rock bottom and was finally working with a therapist to process and navigate all of this.

    I carved out some time for myself each week. I took a spiral notebook to Starbucks and began journaling. It was the first time in decades I had carved out regular time for myself.

    As I started journaling, I realized that I was journaling to God. I would always start “Dear One”, then pour out my stuff. I went through at least 70 notebooks over the next few years. It was the beginning of my ongoing prayer journaling practice.

    So yes. God met me at Starbucks.

    I encourage you to see where God is pursuing you today. I’m willing to bet He’s right next to you, wherever you are.

  • Community

    Neither Hot Stuff or I gravitate towards social situations.  It is very easy for us to stay home and just hang out in a space we both feel loved and safe.

    Take, for instance, our Tuesday Date Nights. For the past few weeks I have texted Hot Stuff this question during my lunch break.

    “Wanna go to Mambo’s after work or eat fish sticks and watch zombies at home?”  Mambo’s is a new restaurant in our neighborhood. We know if we go we will see neighbors and enjoy good food. Still, crowds, lines, etc…ugh.

    “Fish sticks and zombies” Hot Stuff replies.

    I smile and think “this is why I love this man.”

    We are not called to stay isolated. God created us to be in community with one another.

    Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,

    25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

    The past few weeks we have been attending quite a few community gatherings. Our church has an annual labor day camping weekend. We almost bailed this year, but once we arrived, we had a blast.

    We camped out in a cabin with campers from another church. We made new friends, had great discussions with new and old friends, dug into scripture fished, swam and ate way too much food. We both walked away with more scriptural grounding and a reminder that God is a good God and humans can be kinda cool when given a chance.

    https://www.chapelhillumcsa.com/post/church-retreat-was-a-success

    This weekend was followed by a Burgers and Bingo fundraiser for Kairos Prison Ministry. Once again. Great fellowship, catching up with old and new friends, good food, and a reminder that we are to continue loving all of God’s people. Which, just happens, to be everyone.

    Last night was date night.. I sent Hot Stuff a text. “Let’s go to Mambo’s tonight.”

    We did not implode. We had a fun time watching our neighbors, visiting with the staff. Eating good fish tacos. (not fishsticks) We will be returning frequently.

    God is still working on us😉