Author: nicole

Yup. That is the sign that hangs next to our kitchen door.

The kitchen door, which serves as the only working entrance to our home. (thanks shifting home)

Still, I love our quirky home. This drafty house with the constantly shifting foundation . Do I love the orange, cracked walls? Hah, not so much.

Since “our home” is a rental. The orange stays. Still, a decade ago, Hot Stuff and I prayed that we could live here.

At the time we lived behind our current home in a small studio. We would imagine the possibilities of hospitality that could happen in this home.

We vowed that if we ever lived here, we would always welcome our brothers and sisters in Christ. That we would be a safe place for friends and family to recharge as they did the hard work of ministry. Why? Because ministry burns people out.

Our part of the big picture was simple. Offer a place to recharge. To hang out.

So we named the house “The Love Shack“. Yes, it was also based on The Love Shack by the B52’s…simply because I thought it was funny.

This morning, I am sitting in the quiet of our home. It is the first time I’ve had the house to myself in a week. It is beautiful.

The silence. The fake fireplace. The pets at my feet. And time to reflect.

Hot Stuff and I often fall short on our efforts at hospitality. We are both introverts and enjoy a lot of down time. We get tired and irritable. We are sometimes insensitive to the needs and desires of the family and friends around us. We might offer unsolicited advice, or may not listen when someone needs to be heard

Sometimes, ugh, our house smells like pets.

Our house gets messy, just as our hearts get messy.

As I am discussing our failures at hospitality to God, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:

 If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing

I realize that even if Hot Stuff and I aren’t very graceful at times, we genuinely love and care for those in our lives. Instead of seeing this scripture as a warning (as I have in years past) I see it as affirmation. Our hearts are in line with God’s.

God IS love.

As long as we lean on Him..then he can help our hearts stay strong in the foundation of love. Even where we fail.

Then I am reminded of my Captain Sasha manuscript.( a writing project I have been playing with for the past couple of years)

Last week, I pulled out my old manuscript of Captain Sasha to review what I had shelved 8 months ago. You know what? I had a more solid story than I remembered. It was kind-of fun. Still a long way to go. Massive editing to do, a few unexpected turns that help it flow..and a LOT more writing to do.

I’m excited to dive back in.

I realize that my 1/2 finished Captain Sasha manuscript is no different than our history of hospitality. It needs some editing, some revisions, some turns moving forward.

Our lives are still a story in progress.

So grateful to have God’s love as the foundation.

Welcome to the Love Shack. All are most welcome.

This morning, as I was ordering more ink for my printer, I got a call from my rheumatologists office.

 I have been weaning myself off of a medication that I really need. Why?  Because I have joined the ranks of the uninsured.

 I informed my rheumatologist’s that I could pay for my meds out of pocket, but I couldn’t afford the lab work that comes with it. I asked how to proceed.

I never heard back. I did the only thing I could do, I started weaning myself off of the meds. Thiss morning I realize I have 5 days of partial medication left.

Then? I get a call. “Dr.D says come in anyway. We will do labs here and bill you later. You can’t afford to get off of x medication because your muscles are gonna go crazy later.” (It’s a myositis thing).

After I hang up, I sit and cry in relief.

Once again, humans have shown grace in the midst of the mess.

I remember years ago, when I was working with refugees from Darfur. I went into a deep dive on the number of genocides that occur at any given time around the world. I was getting into a deep funk about how haunting humans can be.

Yet…we were still in existence as a species. I wondered how.

The more I listened and researched, I saw/heard a recurring theme of random acts of kindness and grace that helped sustain hope for survivors of these genocides. This kindness story surfaced in every person’s story.

It occurred to me, that the only way we survive ourselves is through the goodness and kindness within and among us.

 Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Right now everyone is going through ridiculous seasons. Deportations of family and friends, strange disappearances for unknown reasons, deaths, job insecurities, partial paychecks, loss of food security, business closures,loss of access to health care, and shrinkflation gone wild.

 Wanna pay a gazillion dollars for 1/3 a bag of chips? Go to my local grocery store.

We are called to be lights in the darkness. (Mathew 5:16) I see my fellow humans do just that.

 How? By the fruits of the spirit with which we are gifted.

I want to spend a little time highlighting a few of those acts of kindness I have seen play out just this week….and it’s only Tuesday.

First, my rheumatologist and his staff, who are trying desperately to keep a slew of patients on their maintenance medications.

A previous co-worker reports that when he stepped up to pay for his groceries last week, the woman in front of him had already paid for them.

I have friends that continue to cook and deliver meals for lasagna love. Don’t know about lasagna love? https://lasagnalove.org/    check. It. Out..

I have a co-worker who brought us all gift bags filled with old school candies. Just because he knows everyone is struggling.

My son and daughter in law run a small market garden. https://www.harmonymarketgarden.com/ They are currently giving away $20 of produce, to anyone who shows them an EBT card.

A church friend annually gives Thanksgiving meals to dozens of families. This year she continues.

My sister gifts grocery store gift cards.

The acts of compassion and goodness surround us in quiet, understated ways. I bet, if you look, you will see it happening all around you.

Our churches (and many other ngo’s) continue to provide food for the hungry. Blankets for the cold.

Friends continue to cook meals for neighbors in need. We check on friends who are sick.  

We give each other ( friends, family, co-workers, strangers) space to share our fears and concerns. We crack small jokes, we dream, we cry, we sometimes share a little mischief. We pray for one another.

This spirt of kindness, my friends, is how we survive ourselves.

What does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. –Micah 6:8

Last week, I had a day of “how are we going to survive on a part time income” panic. I turn to God and ask, ” what shall I do during this season to best honor you? To keep my eyes on you and not the storm around us?”

I am led to this scripture from Micah. I laugh.

The last time I had a rough financial season I was led to “Feed the hungry” (Isaiah 58:10-14)Of course this scripture from Michah, is where I am led.

We focus on God and our neighbors and we turn our eyes away from the storm.

I’ve been thinking about what it means to act justly and to love mercy. Specifically, in terms of our employment.

In years past, Tracey and I have taken jobs to support our family. After all, to us, it’s just a job.

I realize for many people, work is everything. For us? It’s never been a top priority. Our priorities lie in ministry and family. In the past, when applying for jobs, we never dug into the DEI stances or political contributions of perspective employers. We just show up and work.

But in a season of constant villainizing of others, and emboldened cruelty, I decide I need to start looking at DEI stances of various companies.

I am a firm believer in DEI. It’s right there in line with God’s command to “Love me, Love my people” (Mathew 22:36-40..paraphrased by me)

Recently, lack of a diversity, equity and inclusion commitment led to an openly hostile work environment for Hot Stuff. He had nowhere to turn for help, when discriminatory practices became commonplace at his job.

I wonder, what is it that is the threat? Especially in terms of a Christian view.

Diversity? Is diversity the imagined threat? I turn to the old testament (Genesis 10:1-32 and Leviticus 19:33-34 )I turn to the new testament (Galatians 3:28, 3:11, 1 Corinthians 12:12-14, Revelations 7:9) I believe we are called to embrace diversity. Just like the parts of the human body, it is our differences that make us strong.

Is inclusion? (Acts 10 and 15, Corinthians 12:12-14)

Is equity a threat??? (Micah 6:8, James 2:1-4)

I am so frustrated. How is treating others with respect and dignity a threat? It is a line in the sand I am unwilling to cross.

So now, as Hot Stuff searches for jobs, we start looking at DEI policies of his prospective employers. I am grateful that my job maintains it’s stance to embrace diversity, to be equitable, to be inclusive.

In essence, Hot Stuff and I are making a conscious effort to spend our work days, not just our free time, walking out the words of Micah. We are choosing to work for companies that act justly and show mercy.

Being more conscientious of where we work is our small way, of walking humbly with God.

 Years ago, I preached regularly at a local prison. My mentor told me to simply “unload the gospel.” It was the best advice ever.

I often question my ability to do this. To unload the gospel.

 Telling God’s love story for each of us?  That is both the scariest and the truest thing I can write. It is the thing I must do.  It  intimidates me the most.

After all, I am just an ordinary mid-to late-lifer. I work part time in a nature school and teach English as a Second language online.  I am a volunteer in the Texas Prison systems.

My human frailties are endless. Particularly my addiction to codependency and the trifecta of perfectionism, control and people-pleasing that can come with it.  

I am an empty-nester.

 I am a Gigi.

 I am happily married to Hot Stuff,man who has exemplified Christ’s unconditional love in human form. We share our home with a dog, a cat and a good friend.

In other words, I’m just a girl who loves Jesus and her family.

Who am I to share God’s love story?

 God’s call to come JUST AS WE ARE is central throughout the Gospels. (Mathew 11:28, John 6:37, Luke 5:32, John 7:37, Mark 2:17) Apparently? Just me..is enough.

Come, He says, Follow Me. We have work to do. (Mathew 4:19, John 10:27)

  And, what an adventure following Him has been! Who would have thought I would develop this whole church family behind prison walls?

While I love my time in the prison, there were (and are) a handful of men that could not stand the idea of me preaching. Hanging out with the choir, the drama team, praying with the prayer team, that was all fine.

But, in their hearts these men believe a woman should not be preaching.

 I just showed up, listened, prayed, loved and unloaded the Gospel anyway.

One Sunday, I was talking to one of my brothers -in-Christ at the prison before a choir practice.

My friend whom we will call O” looks at me and says, “You know when people complain about you preaching, I tell them ‘Hey, if God could use Baalam’s donkey (Numbers 22:21-39), He can use Nicole, too.’

“O“meant this as encouragement.

“Are you comparing me to a donkey?”, I laughed.

My brother-in-Christ turned red. “No, it’s just that..”

“No worries”, I assure him.  “I appreciate the Word, and you are right. If God can use a donkey, then surely, he can use me.”

Now on days when I am overwhelmed with insecurities, I remember the donkey.

 I show up in front of my computer and say “Okay Jesus, here I am. I may be a bit of a mess, but I’m Your mess.  Please, give me the daily bread of life, love and laughter. Help me share this bread with my neighbor. Help me delight in the gifts that you have given me today, and help me trust, that even I can tell your story.

Here is the story.

Christ loves you.

Christ died and rose again for you.

Love God.

Love your neighbor.

The End.

Psalm 139:7–10 (NIV): 7 Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

         if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

      9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

         if I settle on the far side of the sea,

      10 even there your hand will guide me,

         your right hand will hold me fast.

I drove home from work on Monday to see Hot Stuff waiting in the driveway.

Hot Stuff has a huge grin on his face and says “Hey sweetie. I got fired today.”

What’s weird is, I already knew.

I was driving home from work and thought, “I bet Hot Stuff lost his job today.” Part of me hopes he did lose his job.

Of course I was a little stressed. Who wouldn’t be. Mostly? Im flooded with relief. Hot Stuff has not been happy at work for a long time.

My husband is an undeservedly, loyal man. He has been working in a very hostile work environment for the last 6 months. While I wish Hot Stuff had been able to quit first, I’m just glad he’s out. To say Hot Stuff has been exploited would be an understatement.

Do we have bills to pay? Yes. Are we going to lose our insurance? Yes.

Still. My husband looks happier than I have seen him in a long time.

We will be okay. We both have an inner peace.

Hot Stuff is making Uber deliveries while he searches for a new job.

I do my part and return to teaching English As A Second Language in the early mornings.

When I open my schedule for availability. I am greeted by a series of messages from former students. These messages range from wanting to know if we were affected by last month’s Texas floods, to when am I available to tutor again.

I smile.

 God always manages to meet us in unexpected places.

Sometimes God meets us in the natural world.

I think back to the first time I was aware of God’s presence. I was three.

I was lying on a wooden floor in our Tokyo  townhoome, when the sun came through a window and covered me. It was the first time I was aware of a presence bigger than me.

I don’t know why the sun exemplifies God in my heart. To this day, when I see sun pour through a window, I think, “Ah, there he is”. My heart feels hugged.

Sometimes God meets us through others.

As a prison volunteer, I often saw God in the midst of prison life. If we are all created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), then every person I encounter represents God. In prison I found, dedicated search of scriptural understanding, fellowship, deep soul searching and joy. Joy in all circumstances.

In my ESL students, I found encouragement and support at a time when I was embracing both panic and relief. Even if my student’s didn’t know, I believe God did.

During the season of my divorce (prior marriage) I asked God to “send me His finest” for a season. I found His support through co-workers, a coke-addicted landlord, my church family, long-lost childhood and college friends, and friends I met in prison.

I believe God meets us through scripture, through others, through the world around us, in dreams, and even coffee houses.

There was a season in my early forties when I was really struggling with some bottled up dysfunction. I am a survivor of childhood emotional, psychological and occasional physical abuse. An adult survivor of emotional, psychological, physical and sexual abuse. I had hit a rock bottom and was finally working with a therapist to process and navigate all of this.

I carved out some time for myself each week. I took a spiral notebook to Starbucks and began journaling. It was the first time in decades I had carved out regular time for myself.

As I started journaling, I realized that I was journaling to God. I would always start “Dear One”, then pour out my stuff. I went through at least 70 notebooks over the next few years. It was the beginning of my ongoing prayer journaling practice.

So yes. God met me at Starbucks.

I encourage you to see where God is pursuing you today. I’m willing to bet He’s right next to you, wherever you are.

Neither Hot Stuff or I gravitate towards social situations.  It is very easy for us to stay home and just hang out in a space we both feel loved and safe.

Take, for instance, our Tuesday Date Nights. For the past few weeks I have texted Hot Stuff this question during my lunch break.

“Wanna go to Mambo’s after work or eat fish sticks and watch zombies at home?”  Mambo’s is a new restaurant in our neighborhood. We know if we go we will see neighbors and enjoy good food. Still, crowds, lines, etc…ugh.

“Fish sticks and zombies” Hot Stuff replies.

I smile and think “this is why I love this man.”

We are not called to stay isolated. God created us to be in community with one another.

Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,

25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

The past few weeks we have been attending quite a few community gatherings. Our church has an annual labor day camping weekend. We almost bailed this year, but once we arrived, we had a blast.

We camped out in a cabin with campers from another church. We made new friends, had great discussions with new and old friends, dug into scripture fished, swam and ate way too much food. We both walked away with more scriptural grounding and a reminder that God is a good God and humans can be kinda cool when given a chance.

https://www.chapelhillumcsa.com/post/church-retreat-was-a-success

This weekend was followed by a Burgers and Bingo fundraiser for Kairos Prison Ministry. Once again. Great fellowship, catching up with old and new friends, good food, and a reminder that we are to continue loving all of God’s people. Which, just happens, to be everyone.

Last night was date night.. I sent Hot Stuff a text. “Let’s go to Mambo’s tonight.”

We did not implode. We had a fun time watching our neighbors, visiting with the staff. Eating good fish tacos. (not fishsticks) We will be returning frequently.

God is still working on us😉